I Was Going To Say Give Us A Break

until we wound up at Vanderbilt Children's Hospital today with our 11 year old grandaughter. Turned out to be nothing major, thus far. They are keeping her over night and doing a lot more blood work.

As my title would imply, haven't we been through enough recently and about to go through more. Until I got to the hospital today, we are so blessed, how many of those parents would give their life for mine. How many would beg for the chaos that seemingly rules our lives. Makes you think, makes you grateful, makes you pray !

Now what?

Most of my posts have been about life with my mother-in-law. How we adapted to the change she brought to our home and how we tried to help her adapt to that were going on in her own personal life.

Mitzi's life ended, very peacefully, this past Tuesday night. Her sister, sons, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, Leeanne and myself were with her.

I keep trying to grieve, to cry, but so far it hasn't come. I think it's because she and I grieved together over each thing that changed, over each thing that was forgotten, over each activity that now required assistance, where two weeks prior she needed no help. Perhaps we just grieved together and I'm done.

I do grieve for my family and the hurt that they are going through that I cannot take away. I grieve for my husband, I can't begin to understand how he feels, I've never lost a parent. I grieve for my children and grandchildren, I've been in their shoes and know the pain that is in their heart.

I celebrate that prayers were answered and she did not suffer, that her sister was able to see her while she was still mentally with us. I celebrate that Hospice was with us when the time came and I celebrate the new friend that we have in her room mate at the nursing home, I can't imagine having gone through all of this without her wisdom and humor.

Now what, well we'll see, God always surprises me with each and every new chapter of my life.

To Grammie, Rest in Peace.

moving into the 21st Century

Finally got a computer that works from the house. It's difficult to find dependable service when you live in the middle of approx. 800 acres. We have had lots of drama around here lately, the QUEEN has been in the nursing home for approx. a month. She is doing better and that is where she needs to stay, we'll see. I have been enjoying my down time.

I had yet another surgery on May 15th and have one coming up in a month or two. Hopefully, it will solve some of the annoying problems that have been tormenting me for a while now, if not then I will have tried eveything possible.

So,, to conclude, all is quiet in the Rabbit Hold for now. I don't feel so much like Alice at the moment.

HONEY, I'M HOME

Well not really, I've been at home the whole time. I've just been out of the blogging loop.

I've begun a new career, well sort of, Caregiving. Something that I did for a very long time, left and have come back to in an adminstrative role. My husband also has a new career, so at 50+ we are both upwardly mobile and exhausted, because we are too old for all of this stuff. It's that old dog, new trick thing. New tricks make you very, very tired.

The dementia situation in the Rabbit Hole is getting worse. We have days where the Queen in just as lucid as she can be , but for the most part, she is declining both physically and mentally.

Without some type of outside help,whether from family or the company I work for, she really is not going to be able to stay at home unassisted for much longer. All day is too long. My husband has worked second shift for as long as she has been there, until this new job and now we are gone at the same time. She spends that time in the bed, asleep, dehydrating and loosing any thought of staying active and in touch.

I have lots to say and very little time, more later.

TAGGED?

My daughter tagged me re: six wierd things about myself !

I told her I didn't know anything weird about myself, I was normal.

I quess that is weird.

1. I, too, know how to make molasses. We do it every year at my mom and dad's. That's also one of my daughter's.

2. I had a cousin that was on the Batan Death march in WWII and lived.

3. I had never been out of Tennessee until I was 19 years old.

4. I acutally had to wade a creek to catch the bus when I was in high school.

5. I've always wanted to be a writer.

6. One of my favorite meals is popcorn and warm chocolate cookies. Wait, that may be normal !

NEW RABBIT HOLE

I presume that everyone has figured out by now that I hate change.

I am very much a creature of habit and consistancy and my world has

been rocked.

Our Greenbrier office merged with the Springfield office on Sept. 1

Did I mention that I also hate moving? Anyway, we moved, new

offices, new faces, new personality adjustments. Just new all the way

around. I don't like new, I like familiar. My desk is also at the top of

a very steep set of 18 stairs. Those stairs have kicked my butt on

several days. But jeans are fitting better. They will either cure me

or kill me.

As to my last post, I've been back to my Radiation Oncologist, who

has referred me to a specialist at Vanderbilt, who is out of town, of

course. I'm waiting to get an appointment time with him, so in the

mean time it's tiny meals and pain pills, which helps too with tired

legs after a day of too many trips on the stairs.

ANSWERED PRAYER (at someone else's expense)

As most of you know, I had a run in with cancer almost 4 years ago. I've found out since then that the cancer was the least of the battle. Radiation can do a lot to a body. Over the last four years my plumbing keeps rerouting itself (visulize as you wish) I now poop in a bag that I call "fluffy". Hey, you have to give some things a name just so you'll have someone to blame it on.

Anyway, long story, longer, I have been having some pretty major discomfort in the past few weeks and went in for test this past Friday. I was very anxious about this, as I was already miserable, and knowing what I was about to experience, so I prayed for relief, something, anything.

I had the sweetest young technician taking care of me and a lovely Russian lady that was helping her. Very helpful, very caring.

Well, I walked into the x-ray room and saw the equipment they had set up (lower G.I. ish) and said, that won't work on me. Scar tissue, etc. , won't work. Dr. says we'll try it anyway, won't take as long. O.k., gonna hurt, ignore me, unless I tell you to stop and you're gonna need a lot of towels (I've done this a time or two) we give it the old college try, it didn't work, off come gowns 1 & 2 , Doc says we'll go in the other way, TOLD YA !!. come back in see a familiar set up, looks like it will work, tech has never done a colostomy before, now I'm the teacher, we're good, Doc. comes in, away we go, there is a hole in the tubing, big leak, off come gowns 3 & 4, back out, new equipment again, we'll get it this time, all is going well, can see it moving about on the screen, give it a little more juice, the clamp breaks. Have you ever seen the garden hose flying about and you just can't catch it YEAH !!!!!!!! I'm wet, Doc's wet, she's wet, Olga is running about trying to dry everyone off, and I get the giggles. I told them among all of their apolozies that they were an answered prayer. Just proof that someone else can have a worse day than you.

Off with gown 5 & 6, back on the table, everything goes smoothly, except my little helper won't look at me and I can tell she is crying. Don't have any results yet, but I got four free meals at the hospital cafeteria, YUMM......

I went home and slept until 5:30 p.m.